For all the sorrows and pains,
For all the heartaches and heartbreaks,
For all the unwanted memories that we have
Leave them all behind..

For all the joy in our heart
For all the happines that we have
For all the good things that we've done
Come with us, and be with us in year 2008

Goodbye Pains,
Goodbye sorrow,
I leave you now to 2007

A New Year has arrived...
A New Year for us to make it right..
Welcome 2008!!!
May you'll be a good year to all of us...

God bless us, and all of our plans and heart's desire..

Happy New Year!!!

It only takes 1 hour to break the joy in my heart..
Only takes 30 minutes to break it apart..
Too proud to have them in my life..
But what happened made everything not right.

I can't go back, I can't go out.
I can't moved, and make everything's alright.
What happened is what happened.
I can't do anything just to turn it back.

I missed the laughter,
I missed the fun,
I missed the great friendship,
We've shared and done.

Is it my mistake why these things happened?
Is it my fault why everything changed?
Is it my being imperfection why I'm feeling this way?
I don't know.. I really don't know..

What I'm feeling right now made me different.
What I'm feeling right now made me lifeless.
What I'm feeling right now made me motionless.
What I'm feeling right now is a broken happiness..

At 11 pm, our party for Christmas were started. Since it is a party, expectedly, alcoholic drinks were present. Guys had 2 cases of beer which we knew that it would be enough for them to drink. But before that night, my husband asked the 7 guys if they wanted to drink a tequila or a beer, one of them answered them that 2 cases of beer is enough for them.

Party started and ended at 3 am. I and my husband says our goodbyes to our flatmates at that time, but at 3.30 am, one of them knocks on our room and asked if they can get the tequila. I knew, they were already drunk and I'm having a doubt if I'll give them the bottle or not. I asked my husband's permission, hoping that he will disagree, but I was wrong. I gave the bottle of tequila to them with the worries in my heart.

4 am, I heard them shouting already, doing some crazy things to some of our flatmates. Still, I am worried coz of their being unawared behavior and coz of what their doing. I'm afraid that someone from the building might go to the police and report or place a complain to us. So I stood up from my bed and go to their room, telling them to stop the drinking, coz their couldn't control their behavior.

Not less than 5 minutes, they started again, laughing, shouting without any control of what their doing. I get pissed, so, I go back to their room and take the bottle that I gave.

I don't know how long the silence takes but for sure it wasn't a more than 10 minutes when once again, someone knocks at our room. Again, they were asking the bottle which I took to them.

Hoping that they will understand me, I carry the bottle with me, go to their room and trying to negotiate. Of course, what to expect to all the people who are drunk? You can't expect them to listen to you and talk to you properly. I've seen some of the ladies sitting there and doing nothing. I hope they've done something to lessen the noise. But because of how they talked to me, I just leave them the bottle and go, leaving them saying "If i heard any noise again, we'll see what happened next".

12 pm on the same day, I stood up, but the madness that I have still here in my heart. And same day, a new lady will transfer to our home. Before this day, one of her friends called me and asked me if the lady could carry a cabinet with her. I told to her friend that if she'll buy a cabinet, i really dont know where it will be placed as the ladies' room are already been filled up by their things and honestly, I dont want to put big things on our hall. I also said to her friend that from the first time they've talked to me, they are aware that there is no placed for the cabinet, and they are agreed o it.

So that 12pm, she arrived at home with lot of things. I didnt got the chance to look at those things on our hall cause I am still mad on to what happened earlier that day.

Time passed... Her friend called me and suggested something regarding the cabinet. Unintentionally, I didn't replied them nicely. I havent got the chance to compose or to deliver my answers in a nice way. Directedly, I told them not to talk to me regarding that matter as I am not leaving inside the room. They can ask people inside the room who's sleeping their. 

Minutes passed. I was informed that she'll leave... I was wondering why.. and one of MY friends told me that maybe because of the cabinet and my husband told me maybe because of how i delivered my answers to them because of that cabinet. 

I feel guilty coz I knew that the reason why she leave is because I didn't treat her nicely on the first day, knowing that she didn't do anything wrong to me. But surely, I didnt mean anything to replied her that way.

I waited for the right time to talk to the lady's friend, when I finally got the chance, I've talked to one of them. I asked an apology to them and extend my apology to the lady for being impolite that day morning. I even explained why I replied them that way but she replied me impolite as well that made my heart break into pieces.

I don't know.. maybe because she was also get mad at me because of how I replied them? But I already said my sorry to them. Even though.... Damage has been done..

I know we cant please people according to what we wanted, that's why she acted that way... but really, I didn't not mean to be impolite to them.. I didn't mean to talk to them that way or to deliver my reply so blunt without thinking that it was mixed with the madness that I felt earlier.

Honestly, until now, I am still thinking if I am really a bad person?  I knew I was wrong to let my temper be felt by someone who is not included to what happened on that 3.30 am.

I do really feel sad today, knowing that most of our bed spacers are mad at me..

**SIGH**

I'm having a mixed feeling tonight..When I found out that I am not pregnant, my world falls down into pieces... Shattered and cant explain why i really feel devastated...

Me and My Husband were waiting and expecting this baby... We are married for 7 months and keep on trying to have a baby. Followed our friends' advises. I resigned from my work as I am having a too much pressure and thinking that one of the reasons why we're not having a baby is because I am so stressed from my work. I am off at my work since November 30, 2007... But still, nothing's happen.

I was actually delayed for 3 days today, and we claiming that "YES!! I AM PREGNANT!" and looking forward to upcoming days but night comes and here I am, facing at my computer, writing a blog and having a deep depression..

Whenever I saw my husband, whenever I look at him while he's sleeping, though he says "OK", I know, deep inside of him, is a feeling of sadness and regrets.. If I could only do something.. If I could only wipe and wash away the distressed he's feeling, I will.. but reality says I CANNOT.

But of course, at the end of this line, I know, God has it's reason behind.. What it is??? I dont know... I may not know tonight or tomorrow or on the coming days but soon, He'll tell and show me why...

And as I always pray and lifting up to him.. "GOD , I AM JUST YOUR PASSENGER AND YOU ARE MY DRIVER... WHATEVER PLANS YOU HAD MADE FOR ME AND MY HUSBAND, FOR OUR FAMILIES, I LIFT THEM UP TO YOU LORD... WHATEVER HEARTS DESIRES WE HAVE IN OUR HEARTS, BLESS IT OH LORD.. HOLD OUR HANDS TIGHTER AND DONT LOOSEN IT UP... CONTINUE TO TOUCH OUR HEARTS AND STRENGTHEN OUR FAITH. WE LIFT EVERYTHING TO YOU OH LORD, OUR GOD, OUR SAVIOR, OUR PROTECTOR AND OUR GUIDE "